A few years ago, one of our "sister" crones, May, lost her husband.  After many years of illness, and only a few seasons of mediocre health, her husband passed into the Summerland on a night of the Full Moon in Winter.

It was a long drive to May’s house, almost ten hours for me.  I called Owl, another of our "sister crones", and she said she was going also, why don’t I drive to her house first and we both could go down from there.

Six hours later I was having dinner with Owl and her husband.  We discussed May’s husband’s passing and how May was doing.  We also called Wendy, another sister witch who lives near May.  She and May and May’s husband were good friends - Wendy and May both being High Priestesses.   Wendy was fond of May’s husband, he was like a father to her, and they were all very good friends.  Wendy would meet us at May’s house the following day and we could all help May through this painful time.

We left the next morning on the four hour drive to May’s house.  We experienced it all on that trip: good weather, a wonderful lunch of crab cakes on a pier in Baltimore, shopping at the pier stores. Then back on the road for some car trouble, lots of  traffic and getting lost.  Yes, it was an interesting trip down.

Arriving at May’s house that evening there was lots to do.  Owl sat with May and discussed what May would like to get taken care of the next few days.  May seemed to be doing ok, but you could see the sadness in her eyes.

Wendy and I sat and talked as well.  Wendy was missing May’s husband already, he had been a mentor and an example to her.  They had all worked together for many years.  We talked of memories.  We decided it was late and we would go out and pick up some food.  We took our time in the car, talking all the way, and we cried a bit and laughed even more.

Owl and May relate better to each other than I do to May.  I am good friends with Wendy, so in a way I was there for Wendy as Owl was there for May.

It ended up with Owl working that weekend with May, finding things that May needed to have,  guided by May’s husband (yes, Owl talks to those who have passed over) while I sat and talked to Wendy.  And Wendy and I ended up being the ‘gofers’, you know, gofer some groceries, gofer some take out dinner, gofer some movies. Then there was packing some boxes, and moving stuff around.  Between that and taking my car for some repairs, our weekend was full.   

May is dedicated to Kali, has been for as long as I’ve known May.  May’s home houses her Wiccan Church, and the temple is dedicated to Kali.  As this was my first time in May’s new house (May and her husband had just bought this place not more that 6 months before) I was shown the temple and introduced to Kali.

I’ve never had any real attraction to Hindu Deities.  In my studies of Comparative Religions, this religion is very male and culturally oriented.  As I am Wiccan and prefer balance in my Duality of Deity, and as I am of Northern European decent, I have for the most part not worked with any of the Deities from this particular pantheon.

I paid my respects to Kali.  She has taken care of May and her family over the years and accepted May as a dedicated follower.  I did visit the temple over the few days while I was there, but it was more of a curiosity than anything else to me.

We packed things, we located things, ate meals, made fires, watched ‘Ya Ya Sisterhood’ and laughed together and cried together.  We could feel May’s husband in the house; he was there saying good-bye.  He was in our dreams, he  was in the air, he was all around.  Yes, he will be missed.  We said our good-byes.

The evening before Owl and I left, May had gone to take a nap.  We were all tired.  It had been three long working days for us and we were feeling it.  Owl had been hurting, and she disappeared while Wendy and I sat and talked again.  I would be leaving the next morning and we had some things to plan and discuss.  Future visits, future plans and a bit more of those memories to share.

We eventually went looking for Owl, and found her lying and resting on the floor in the temple.  I sat on the floor beside her and went to place my hands on her for a Reiki session, but she brushed me away.  I let her be and decided to do some quiet meditation, as a prelude to a well deserved night of sleep.  I guess Wendy decided to do the same.

As I sat there, I began to experience a kind of a waking dream.  Music… cha-ching, cha-cha-ching, cha-ching…  the sound of many finger cymbals, picking up a beat, very ‘oriental’ in feeling.  I saw a ‘statue’, as if from behind, hazy at first but it became crystal clear.  It was the back of a black ‘statue’ and it appeared to be turning to face me.

What I saw was a very traditional ‘statue’ of Kali-ma, all black, surrounded by a black radiance.  As it turned, I was taken by the vivid portrait of Kali, with Her tongue sticking out, the many arms, Her necklace of skulls, the skirt of heads… just as in all the traditional statues I’ve seen.  But it was not a statue.  She moved… She was dancing in time to the beat of the cymbals.  She was very much alive, and I was dumbstruck.   I watched as She turned to full face me,  and then She then stopped for a moment.   She looked right at me… oh, those eyes, and then... She smiled.  Boy, did that shock me.  And then She said "Thank You".  She returned to her original countenance and continued Her dance, and rotating away from me.

At that moment, I heard two excited exclamations from next to me.  Owl said, "She touched my cheek". Wendy said, ‘She touched my hand!’

I came out of my meditation, still very much startled at what I had seen, and asked what was going on.  Owl proceeded to tell how Kali had come to her in her meditation, and had touched her cheek.  Wendy was now very surprised, and proceeded to relate how in her meditation Kali had come to her and touched her hand.  They both looked at me, waiting…. and I told them of my waking dream.

We sat there dumbstruck, and all looked at the altar with the statue of Kali on it.  Slowly we left the temple, respectfully, and went to the kitchen, talking of nothing else but our shared experience.  We had no idea what to make of it, and still very tired, went to our beds.  To be very honest, I slept like a rock, and woke the next morning refreshed and ready for my trip home.

On the way home in the car, between personal prayers to Mechanica, Goddess of Auto’s that need Repairs, asking that the car made it all the way home, we also talked about the Kali visions.

Over dinner at a roadway restaurant, we discussed the issue of validation.  One of the reasons there is personal doubt about some of our beliefs is the lack of proper validation of experience.  While it may not be that much of an issue with those who are coven trained, for those who work solitary, it is hard to find someone who can validate personal experiences, if not impossible.  These are the ‘Mystery’s’ we have in our belief system.  We can not teach or explain these things; they must be experienced.  How can we teach someone about one on one relationships with Deity?  It is hard enough to try to just explain our own relationships.

When asked about my working Deities at that time, I was working with Cerridwen and Hekate.  I was at a crossroad in my life then, Hekate was there to guide me and push me into my mistakes as well as my successes.  Cerridwen was there as my guide from mother to crone.  In my ‘talks’ with these two Goddess’, it was always a visualization of kitchen setting.  Cerridwen was at the stove, always fussing over a pot about ready to boil over.  Hekate was at the kitchen table, with a cup of coffee, a spoon in Her hand to tap on that coffee cup to get my attention.  Owl is a dedicant to Hekate, and in our discussion about Hekate, one common element is always there… we recognize Hekate by her laugh.  There is nothing that can compare to the laugh She give you when you ask a question you already know the answer to, or when you have messed up and you are asking Her why…. and you already know why.  And all those who work with Hekate know that laugh very well.

I can describe the working setting I have with these Deities.  Some of the commonalities, like Hekate’s laugh, or Cerridewn’s constant attention to the pot, can be found with many people who work with them.  But each person’s experience with these Deities will be different.  We can validate the common experiences, but we can not offer validation for that which we do not personally experience.

With the Kali experience, we had a point of validation for all of us.  I know I was, and still am, very moved by the whole event.  I know Owl, too, has given much thought to the event and found it interesting in the way we all experienced what we did and could validate each other’s experience.

What I found most interesting, though, is how Kali related to me on a personal level.  She appeared to me in a form that I would have expected Her to; in all Her traditional garb and stance.  But the smile… so unlike any traditional depiction I have ever seen of Her, was warm as opposed what I would expect from the sometimes frightening imagery of Her traditional portrayal.  And Her voice, rather than deep and menacing as I would have expected, was light and casual…. so unlike anything I would have anticipated.  Here I experienced what I expected of Her image to assure me it was indeed Kali, but She carried through the experience in a very different way from what I anticipated.  The personal validation of the experience was in the unexpected….

I’ve taken this story into my classes when we discuss our relationships with Deity.   This story provides a basis for ‘how to experience Deity on a personal level’ and in my classes I will have students chime in and tell stories of their own personal experiences with various Deities.  

It also provides a lesson in validation; we can provide validation for certain experiences but we must realize we can not validate all experiences for everyone.  We can only validate those we have personally experienced.

It also covers the ‘Mystery’s’ aspect of our religion; what do we mean when we discuss ‘Mystery Religion’ and what is the “Mystery” all about?  The ‘Mystery’ is the personal experience, which can not be taught.  It is too personal, and this goes back to our ability to validate only that which we personally experience.

But mostly, it was a lesson for me personally.  My lesson was how we can have mistaken ideas about Deity based on history or myth.  How a particular Deity is remembered by various sources does not always tell all about a Deity.  Gods and Goddesses will do whatever it is they want to, and attributes be damned….

I respect Kali more so than I did before, with a new perspective of who She really is, and what that whole Pantheon is really all about.  I have since gone back to my notes on the Hindu Pantheon and crossed out most of what I learned in my Comparative Religion studies.  I will have to take those studies with a bit more ‘salt’ in the future and look to allowing Deity to fill me in on the real story.

Boudica